A Moral Analysis of "Don't" by Ed Sheeran

We're back again with another moral perspective on a chart-topper of 2014-2015. This time, we'll be reviewing "Don't" by Ed Sheeran, a unique acoustic/hip-hop fusion song about the pitfalls of casual sex. Though a listener might feel like this song is an endorsement of such relationships, a deeper examination will reveal differently. Check it out:

[Verse 1:]

I met this girl late last year
She said, "Don't you worry if I disappear."
I told her I'm not really looking for another mistake
I called an old friend thinking that the trouble would wait
But then I jump right in
A week later returned
I reckon she was only looking for a lover to burn
But I gave her my time for two or three nights
Then I put it on pause 'til the moment was right

In this introduction, Ed meets an interesting lover who makes it clear that she's not the commitment type. He assumes that she is trying to hook up with him as an act of revenge (not healthy, FYI) and he just runs with it. Not a solid foundation for a relationship, to say the least.  He spends some time with her and then steps away for awhile.

I went away for months until our paths crossed again
She told me, "I was never looking for a friend."
Maybe you could swing by my room around 10:00
Baby, bring a lemon and a bottle of gin
We'll be in between the sheets 'til the late AM
Baby, if you wanted me then you should've just said

Once again, his female admirer makes it clear that she's not searching for a mature relationship. This song is yet another tune about hookup culture and the glory of "no strings attached", though we will see its dark implications by the end.  Casual sex is not so simple after all, it seems.

She's singing
Ah lahmlahlah
Don't f*** with my love
That heart is so cold
All over my home
I don't wanna know that babe
Ah lahmlahlah
Don't f*** with my love
I told her she knows
Take aim and reload
I don't wanna know that babe
Ah lahmlahlah

Although Sheeran is a quite adept lyricist, I must admit that this chorus is pretty unclear. Often, pop artists sacrifice lyrical clarity for the flow of a melody, and I think that's the case here. Regardless, the general vibe of this chorus is that she, the female subject, is standoffish towards relationships. She is wary of commitment and the attachments that follow. She thinks that attachment is dangerous, although we will soon find that it's not so easy to separate sex and affection.

For a couple weeks I
Only wanna see her
We drink away the days with a take-away pizza
Before a text message was the only way to reach her
Now she's staying at my place and loves the way I treat her
Singing out Aretha
All over the track like a feature
And never wants to sleep, I guess that I don't want to either

Well, well, well. Look what we have here. The two lovers who once insisted they only wanted sex, not friendship, have become close despite their efforts.  It's almost like friendship, affection, and sexuality are linked somehow. Imagine that!

But me and her we make money the same way
Four cities, two planes the same day
And those shows have never been what it's about
But maybe we'll go together and just figure it out
I'd rather put on a film with you and sit on the couch
But we should get on a plane
Or we'll be missing it now

We find out that the female subject leads a life like Ed's, with plenty of glamor and admiration. Maybe she's an actress or a singer. In any case, Ed pines for a simpler life where he can cuddle on the couch like most married couples do. It looks like casual sex leaves something to be desired, even in the hearts of men. Intimacy =/= sex.

Wish I'd have written it down
The way that things played out
When she was kissing him
How? I was confused about
She should figure it out while I'm sat here singing
Ah lahmlahlah

Sheeran feels betrayed when his flighty lover acts in her true nature. It should be no surprise. After all, she told him on multiple occasions that she wasn't looking for a friend. In the end, an ill-founded relationship built around sex ends up coming back to hurt the ones who agreed to it. Sheeran became emotionally invested in a physical relationship, and now he's paying the price.

[Knock knock knock] on my hotel door
I don't even know if she knows what for
She was crying on my shoulder
I already told ya
Trust and respect is what we do this for
I never intended to be next
But you didn't need to take him to bed that's all
And I never saw him as a threat
Until you disappeared with him to have sex of course



In this final verse, the drama and tension of this haphazard relationship reaches a fevered pitch. Sheeran's clandestine lover comes back crying, only to find him lobbing accusatory statements about her unfaithfulness. But wait, how can she be unfaithful when they never agreed to any commitment in the first place? This is the danger of undefined, vague relationships in general -- expectations are unclear.

It's not like we were both on tour
We were staying on the same f***** hotel floor
And I wasn't looking for a promise or commitment
But it was never just fun and I thought you were different
This is not the way you realize what you wanted
It's a bit too much, too late if I'm honest
All this time God knows I'm singing
Ah lahmlahlah

Sheeran is at odds with himself -- he didn't want commitment.. but actually, he kinda did in his heart. Free love is all fun and great until you get stung by it.  In the end, Ed realizes that his relationship has been poisoned by the very principles it was built upon -- no rules, anything goes, just satisfy yourself.

Overall, the song "Don't" by Ed Sheeran plays out like a cautionary tale on the dangers of today's hook up culture. Avoiding commitment may seem like the easy way out, but as we see in this song, there is always an emotional investment that takes place. Look at it in a grand historical perspective -- in the sixties, everybody was about "free love". Sleep with whoever you want, do whatever you want, satiate your urges. Then, the economy of free love came crashing down as STDS and HIV began to skyrocket. Furthermore, in the seventies we see a lot of music about dysfunctional relationships (Fleetwood Mac!) because love isn't really so free after all. Free love has both physical and emotional consequences.

Heck, we see the same thing arise in polygamous relationships via the Bible. The Bible depicts many polygamous relationships in the Old Testament, but they are almost always portrayed in a negative light... because they breed contempt, jealousy, and despair. Humankind has been refusing to learn this crucial lesson for ages.

A great deal of pop hits on the radio right now are about dysfunctional relationships (Sam Smith, anyone?) and it looks like the hookup culture is to blame for it. Ambiguity, unclear boundaries and commitment problems are bad for relationships, period. Although I don't endorse Sheeran's embrace of casual sex relationships, it's obvious that this song is not a glowing review of them either. In fact, I think that simple title of this composition summarizes it well-- when it comes to hookups, just.... don't.